Most of us, especially those socialized as women, know the comparison game all too well. Yes, we often find ourselves comparing ourselves to other people, but what about comparing ourselves to past versions of us?
When we don’t regularly see ourselves, especially through kind eyes, we forget what we look like currently. Then when we see an older photo of us, we instantly notice all the differences. Our brain doesn’t like change and can internalize it as fear. We begin comparing ourselves and how our body looks now with how we used to look. We stop wanting to be in photos because we don’t want to be reminded of that. We stop looking in the mirror as much. Our mindset shifts and we start internalizing all of our perceived flaws, because our brain is trained to survive and focus on those for our own protection. BUT, we can slowly shift this and reassure ourselves that we are safe and it is ok and natural to change, and our bodies will… because how could you go through this life and all the adventures, love, grief, and evolution without our bodies changing along with us? It’s the nature of being alive. The wheel keeps turning and we do too.
So how do we go about shifting our mindset around this and creating new neural pathways? Here are a few things that help me:
• Do some mirror gazing! Look at yourself and your body regularly while saying kind things about yourself. Throw some affirmations on sticky notes up on your mirrors that you’ll see daily. This sounds so simple, but doing it regularly really does help change those stubborn neural pathways to a new and more radically loving perspective. Think about what you would say to a friend, or what they would say to you – speak lovingly to yourself!
• Follow body affirming social media accounts. Unfollow those that make you feel like you have to change your body to be worthy of acceptance or desire. What you take in daily matters!
• Learn about how society, media, and advertising has always, and continues to, manipulate our views and beliefs about ourselves. Two books I highly recommend are The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor, and The Geode Theory by Teri Hofford. If you want to kick it old school, The Beauty Myth (while somewhat dated) is also great.
• Practice getting in front of the camera more often! Do boudoir experiences, even self-portraits yourself, at multiple points in your life without working first to change your body. Continue to celebrate it and love it for where it is in this current time. Shut those comparison games down and allow yourself to be present with who you are and where you are in life. Continue to see yourself with fresh eyes!
Ultimately, the key lies in understanding that change is an intrinsic part of life’s journey. Embracing this evolution, celebrating the present without constant comparison, and fostering self-compassion contribute to creating a mindset that acknowledges the beauty in every phase of our unique stories.
